sum.na

Hello Everyone.

As part of my community outreach service, I’ve decided to answer all the questions in my search logs, as best as I can. So here goes:

Q. (From Canada) Do guys hate sleeping with virgins?.
Well, actually, in India and Sri Lanka, I have heard that some men prefer their brides to be virgins when they get married.. So much so that they insist on proof or something. But this is an old outmoded view, most modern dudes prefer that the girl be adept in the art of the Kamasutra and able to do the Leapfrog or Cowgirl.

Q. Where can I find Sri Lankan Girls?
OK, thats an excellent question. Due to the ethnic conflict pathetic economy, the Sri lankan diaspora, is now.. a diaspora. In other words, Sri Lankans have immigrated far and wide, and you are likely to find them just about anywhere on earth, except here.

If you really need to find a girl from Sri Lanka, perhaps the easiest option would be to, er., come to Sri Lanka, as this country is full of them.

Q. Where can I find Sri Lankan BoyZ?
See above. Replace ‘girls’ with ‘boys’.. or.. er.. BoyZ

Q. I wan’t a Sri Lankan Girlfriend/Girls for a lonely guy in Sri Lanka
A. Get a ticket to Sri Lanka, brush up on your conversational skills bring a lot of money, and start hunting. Lots of girls will like you. Especially if you have a nice personality money.

To Lonely Guy in Sri Lanka. Well you could hang around at MC and hurl compliments at random passerbys and hope one of them falls deeply in love with you. Kidding.

Q. I wan’t Lanka Sari Live Movie
A. Is there such a movie? I’ve never heard of it, sad to say

Q. Tell me about crimes and punishment in Sri Lanka
A. We have a judicial system.. Based on ancient English law I think. If you like, consider reading the Daily news sri lanka which is full of Moral Stories about people who Ran Afoul Of The Law and were Vigorously Punished…

Q. Whats the Hindi/Sri Lankan  word for Underage?/I want a School Girl
A. Naturally, you are asking this for your research project, not because you are a dirty old man. I don’t know about Hindi, but I think running after underage girls in Sri Lanka is refered to bala aparada. (Bala = Young? Underage? Aparada = crime?)

Think “Jail Bait” in the American sense

Does your mummy know what you search for online? Google has recently been contacted by the US government, and requested turn over search logs for terms such as underage and so on. So, If I were you, I’d wash my keyboard and never search for such shocking things again.

Q. Tell me about Japanese car theft in Sri Lanka
A. Well, as far as I know, the Japanese don’t steal our cars. They have no reason to, as they have better things to do here, like being tourists. That and the average Japanese person earns in a day what most Sri Lankans earn in an year.

On a side note, Hondas and Toyotas are popular targets for auto theft in USA.

Q. Paranormal Strange RSS Comments.
A. Er. ?..

Q. Tittilate Me!
A. Er. ??

Q. Tell me about Sri Lankan Kandyan Sari
A. Well, I asked a girl I know about this. She said there are two ways to wear a Sari. Either the Indian style, or Kandyan way. According to her there are some small differences, to do with the ‘pota’ (the bit that is draped). I will tell you more as I get more information.

Q. I want Sri Lankan Pussy
A. Er.. OK if you say so. You can find cats all over the streets of Sri Lanka. But beware. Some of them have Rabies

[photo removed - at HSBC’s request]
Part of the long line of customers waiting inside HSBC

Went on a drive to HSBC Sri Lanka, which is located somewhere near Bambalapitiya. Getting parking was a problem, as the parking lot was full, so I had to wait on the street for a while. When I finally got in they had a line of people to the counter.

As far as I saw, most of the staff were milling around, instead of assisting the customers who were trying to make payments. If I were them, I’d focus on getting the lines moving, without wasting customers time. (Also, I’d do something about the parking problems..)

Oh, in the meantime, here are some photographs I snapped while getting there…

[photo removed - at HSBC’s request]
HSBC Bank, Bambalapitiya branch (part of it, at least)

[photo removed - at HSBC’s request]
Waiting for parking inside, this attractive Sri Lankan lady turned up… walking at quite a pace.

[photo removed - at HSBC’s request]
This guy couldn’t read the No Parking sign on the floor, or signboard.
Either that or he was simply trying to find a way to park.

[photo removed - at HSBC’s request]
The security guard started gesticulating desperately and telling him to move..

Google have been in the news over the last few days - with their release of a version of Google Search for China, which includes some inbuilt censorship.

In other old news, Google have officially released Google News, and implemented a delete button in gmail at last..

According the daily news, and other sources, some explosions occured yesterday night.

I guess most people here in Sri Lanka are somewhat nervous, to say the least, and I don’t really blame them.

If you notice, most Sri Lankan’s are not into extreme sports. The reason is, life in Sri Lanka IS an extreme sport. Just driving on the streets at the wrong time is usually enough to get you blown up - or half scared to death at least..

Unfortunately, I still remember all the hell Sri Lankans went through in the late 80s and early 90s and I sincerely hope history does not repeat itself.

So much for paradise..

Donald Trump is suing Timothy L. O’Brien (an NYT reporter) over a book he authored, which claims that Donald J. Trump’s net worth is, at most, a measely $250 million.

Donald is suing him for a total of 5 billion dollars (including punitive damages). Chances are, this is merely a publicity stunt on his part. Nevertheless, considering that he owns so many properties, its quite likely that his net worth is definitely more than 1bn, and most likely, as forbes estimates it, nearly 3bn.

Sri Lankan’s are familiar with Mr. Trump from his TV Series, The Apprentice, which recently premiered its first season on local TV.

Oh, and Trump has a web log  here!

Bob Parsons reports that ABC have rejected GoDaddys latest superbowl advert. (titled Window Washer) - frankly, I don’t get it, theres nothing wrong with that advert, its perfectly harmless.

FYI, Mr. Parsons is the entreprenuer extraordinaire behind GoDaddy. Go visit his blog here

Speaking of advertising, South Asian TV channels have their moments of fame too - witness this impressively orgasmic advert[1] (from Star TV India):

Click here to watch the Fastrack Ad
Fastrack orgasm advert, copyright Fastrack and Star world, used here purely to tittilate illustrate my point.

If the video does not play, please inform me

Oh, does anyone have any interesting TV adverts from Sri Lanka? Mail them to me please, I’d love to showcase them here..

Notes: [1] According to LOWE Lintas Bangalore, (makers of the Fastrack ad) “The idea is that Fastrack is for the Youth. We wanted to make the advertisement fun. We wanted to make it edgy, and get people to take notice of it, without us going overboard with the sex bit,” says Nikhil Vaidya, Marketing Manager, Fastrack. “It is not a take on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The orgasm element, in the advertisement, is subordinate to the girls having fun at the guy’s expense. Sex is not the core issue of this ad,” he clarifies. [From Deccan Herald]

Introduction 
In this, the first of a series of articles, I wish to describe three basic characteristics which Buddhists see as fundamental to all aspects of existence - Annica, Anatta and Dukha. I will also discuss the Buddhist view of Ignorance, God and Karma.

1. Annica
(Impermanence)
Buddhists see all things as impermanent -  in a constant state of flux and subject to change. Indeed the very human body is seen in a constant state of change. The universe, the planet, the very atoms that make us up are changing. [1]

2. Anatta
(No permanent soul)
Buddhism tells us that Human beings do not possess a permanent or unchanging soul. Rather, the human soul is described as a temporary manifestation, a stream of conscious. It is believed that what we perceive as self is a combination of constantly changing mental and physical components refered to as Skandhas [2], which if clung to, lead to despair.

3. Dukkha
(unsatisfactoriness)
The basis of life is a state of unsatisfactoriness [3]. For example, all living beings die, all things are subject to change, [impermanence] as such one cannot keep anything they possess (even their own body).  

4. Ignorance 
Desire and ignorance lie at the root of Dukkha. Ignorance in Buddhism refers to ‘not seeing the world as it really is’. By being unable to grasp the true nature of things, people strive to acquire what they cannot possesss (e.g. Eternal happiness) and are victims of their Karma, and vices such as such as greed, envy, hatred and anger arise.[4] 

5. God
Buddhism is a non-thiestic religion, as it does not recognise the existence of a central God or Creator/Supreme being who is the creator of the universe and humans. Buddhists considers that all people are responsible for their actions, and no-one can forgive and or absolve another of a their actions (karma), whether good or bad. [5] 

6. Karma
Karma (lit: deed/action) or causality - the concept of cause and effect [6].  In Buddhism, Karma refers to intentional actions, which lead to vipaka (consequences/results). There are generally two types of Karma - good and bad Karma, which lead to corresponding results. Buddhists see Karma as a natural law.

If you wish to learn more aboud about Buddhism, please visit http://www.accesstoinsight.org/, I also recommend you read the works of Narada Thera. 

If you feel this article was interesting, or have any questions or spot any errors, please leave a comment. Please ask me any questions you have and I will try to answer them.

For a one page introduction to Buddhism, please see
http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/What_is_Buddhist_Philosophy

[1] “In less than one year you replace ninety-eight per cent of all the atoms in your body.” Deepak Chopra 
http://www.sarvodaya.org/2006/01/12/deepak-chopra-visits-sarvodaya-and-presents-lecture/

[2] Living beings are composed of five Skandhas: Form, sensation, perception (cognition), volition, and consciousness - learn more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skandhas

[3] Sanskrit  Duhkha  in Buddhist thought, the true nature of all existence

Three types of suffering are distinguished: they result, respectively, from pain, such as old age, sickness, and death; from pleasure changing to pain; and from the fact that, because of impermanence, beings are susceptible to pain in the next moment
http://www.britannica.com/eb/article-9031403?&query=dukkha&ct=eb

[4] In Buddhism, desire and ignorance lie at the root of suffering. By desire, Buddhists refer to craving pleasure, material goods, and immortality, all of which are wants that can never be satisfied. As a result, desiring them can only bring suffering. Ignorance, in comparison, relates to not seeing the world as it actually is. Vices, such as greed, envy, hatred and anger, derive from this ignorance.
http://www.pbs.org/edens/thailand/buddhism.htm

 …WITHOUT IGNORANCE THERE WOULD BE NO ATTACHMENT to the impulses to action, no attachment to the processes of consciousness, no attachment to the mind and body, to the sense organs, to the sense impressions, to the feelings, to the cravings, to the grasping and clinging, to the becoming forces; and there would then be no ego to be
born and no self to grow old and die.
http://www.luckymojo.com/avidyana/ignorance.html

[5]  Buddhism does speak of Gods (Devas) - these beings are considered celestial and occupy other worlds. They are not considered the creators of Earth or Humans, nor are they believed to be capable of the salvation of humanity, forgiveness, or other traits traditionally assigned to a creator by theistic religions.

For more on Buddhist attitudes to God, please read:
http://www.buddhistinformation.com/buddhist_attitude_to_god.htm

[6] A view of Karma or causality in popular culture: “In truth, a causal chain is finite; it begins and ends with choice. Freewill is the only true cause; all else is purely effect. Thus, freewill is both beginning and end”
http://montalk.net/metaphys/70/freewill-fate-and-causality-in-matrix-reloaded

Also see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma for a detailed analysis of Karma, as it is viewed by Buddhism and other philosophies and religions.
 

Good news for all my Sri Lankan friends in North America. Are you feeling lonely? Do you wish you had your very own Sri Lankan Woman? Well thanks to a special offer from Yahoo and Target, you can buy your very own Sri lanka Woman, online! Best of all, you can save!

So, rush off to Target, and get clicking.

Background
A search for Sri Lankan Women on Yahoo (don’t ask) yeids this:

Closeup of ad

The actual search:
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=sri+lankan+women&fr=FP-tab-web-t&toggle=1&cop=&ei=UTF-8

Note, this search probably may not yeild above results, depending on where you are, hopefully Yahoo will notice and fix this error!

Explanation: Context sensitive search gone wrong.
I guess we can summarize that Yahoo hasn’t perfected their context sensitive search. But look on the bright side, at least they have context insensitive search

Trivia
1. For those of you who don’t live in North America, Target is a friendly shopping chain famous for their dog, and their innovative advertising. Sadly, wiki doesn’t appear to have a page on them.

2. The Target Dog is a supposedly an English bull terrier
http://askdoglady.com/archives/bones_social_creatures/000096.html

Notes:
Yahoo, Target, The Target Dog, and all colors, logos, ideas, theories, etc are copyright their respective companies. Blah Blah.

With thanks to sarvodaya.org and Flickr

Again, on Nehas suggestions, here are some observations on Sri Lankan men:

[Ed: - This article is intended purely as humor, so, please don’t read it if you get offended easily - also (Obviously) these classifications are stereotypical and don’t necessarily refer to real people. Or do they? ;)] 

1. The Intellectual
He is familiar with the works of Schopenhauer and Goethe. Can quote them accurately. Can even pronounce their names.

Works in:
Usually in a complex area requiring intellect.

Relationships with girls:
Complex - very complex. Attempts to engage ladies in conversation/debate on his views on science/culture/society and other areas.

Tends to annoy normal girls at the local nightspot by talking about the socio-economic ramifications of The HIV/AIDS pandemic.

Sees himself as:
A complex manifestation of philosophical and socio-economic phenomena.

Whats he watching On TV:
Eccelectic choice of programming: Comedy, educational, intellectual movies.

Sense of humor
Not particularly into slapstick humor. Likes humor to be intelligent, without putting anyone down. Likes to laugh with people as opposed to laughing AT them

Sees girls as:
Equals. No, really he does!

Favorite Hangouts:
Occationally goes to various events, like special screenings of “Schindlers List”, also attends plays and other cultural events. Feels out of place at most parties

Outfit:
Smart casual where possible. Moderate dress sense.

Likes
Long winded conversations on various arcane esoteric topics.

Hobbies
Debating obscure philosophical topics. Catching up on the latest tech news.

Will sleep with:
Girls, but usually alone as some girls end up annoyed at him.

Admires these qualities in women:
Conversational skills, Poise, Intellect, (and secretly, perky breasts, though, he will never admit that!).

Accessories:
Carries the latest in phones, etc, usually researches carefully online before purchasing.

Matrix View:
Admired the special effects on the Matrix but really liked that movie for the philosophy behind it. Can quote the Architects speech verbatim

2. The Misogynist
Note: a lot of Sri Lankan men sadly share this trait but some take it to a whole new level, ergo they are categorized a class apart

About him:
Hates women deeply, but “tolerates them because he can’t do without them”. Considers them subservient, intellectually inferior, as beasts of burden/a subclass of society. Believes his wants, needs and feelings are superior to theirs. Quotes other people a lot to support his beliefs. Usually mis-quotes.

Relationships with girls:
Spends a lot of time trying to prove girls are intellectually inferior. Gets into complex long winded arguments with them, trying to prove his point, but never argues with women who are smarter than him as he will loose the arguement.

Obsessions:
Deeply obsessed with his masculinity, very homophobic, sees everything in the universe, as existing in relation to himself. Takes everything personally. Even El Nino.

Likes:
Himself

Will sleep with:
Any girl he can find. Preferrably one with low self esteem.

Hobbies:
- Getting drunk
- Driving like a drunk, preferrably DUI

Drives:
A sports car

Ideal Girl:
Girls who can be coerced/persuaded easily. Someone who is young, emotionally immature and can be manipulated, someone with low self esteem.

Admires this in a woman:
NOTHING! Hates all women! (but secretly stares at their chests without blinking)

Accessories/buying patterns:
Will buy whatever he can, at the expense of eating even. Tends to focus on functionality more than style. Is very loyal to some brands.

Phone:
The most phone he can afford. Knows what a PDA is but is secretly terrified of them.

Dislikes:
Hates girls deeply.

Famous quote:
“Women are dumb . I hate them. I hate them ya know? And I’ll tell you why - heck I can prove it ”

3. The Nationalist

About Him
- Is deeply proud of his imagined heritage. Sees himself as a pure (Hindu, Sinhalese/Tamil, or something) descended of Aryans (or something).

- Talks a LOT about computers and cars, but sadly knows little to nothing. Gets most of his knowledge off the back of a box of cornflakes (which of course he doesn’t officially eat as they are Cheap Western Junk Food)

Relationships with girls:
Consists of chasing underage girls and trying to convince them that he is special, because he has a PDA.

Linguistical Analysis:
Speaks in his language unless he wants to show off in public, in which case he will speak simple English while trying to occationally introduce big words. Mixes english and his language. Invents English words occationally.

Habits:
Roundly curses western influence on Our Precious Pure culture. Secretly gets aroused by the Pamela Anderson/Tommy lee video.

Hobbies
- Getting drunk
- Driving like a drunk, preferrably DUI
- Giving long winded lectures on his nationalistic ideologies to anyone within earshot
- Complaining about the negative influence of American culture, while secretly watching Baywatch.

Seeks this type of women:
Intellectually underdevelopped (and underage) girls who can hopefully be persuaded to believe his nonsense.

Sees girls as:
Honorable maidens representing my Culture, (Translation: beasts of burden, here to be used and abused by me.)

is familiar with:
The mahawamsa, or any other nationalistic literature, has memorised it and quotes it regularly. Actually interprets it literally.

Favorite Hangouts:
Locally themed parties, anywhere theres food.

Will sleep with:
Underage girls/Virgins, anyone who wont laugh at his obvious shortcomings.

Likes:
Officially Likes large mammary glands and girls who wear Kandyan sari.
Unofficially digs Pam in Baywatch era.

Dislikes:
Anything complex or intellectual that he doesnt understand.

Outfit:
Wears weird mix of local and western clothing depending on the circumstance. Shops at upscale locations where possible, makes effort to acquire designer outfits merely so as to show off his wealth.

Drives:
Mazda or a Nissan

Admires this in a woman:
Do they wear their national costume? Are they traditional enough for me? Can I slap them regularly at least once a day? Its our way of doing things here which you stupid Westerners don’t understand. Beating the Woman is an Expression of Love and Unless you Beat her Regularly she won’t be happy. She wants it

Accessories:
Uses a modern phone and a PDA he sadly doesn’t know how to use.

Classic signs:
Wears a sarong in public. Talks rather loud. Is intellectually defunct.

Matrix view
Matrix? WTF? oh that dumb movie with the idiot and the bullets? Bullshit. All bullshit. I Hate Women. [Expletive]

Famous Quote:
“I hate the way our precious culture is being eroded by Western Influence. Yesterday I caught my son watching Baywatch and I vigorously caned him with a rubber hosepipe for 2 hours. Baywatch is a Filthy American influence. I hate it. He should be watching local television where we treat the women right way by slapping them around”

“What? You don’t like my National Costume?” You [cencored]”

“Im Proud Of My Ancestry and My Noble Ancestors Who Had  A Great Civilization.. blah blah ”

4. The Playa Wannabe

Sees himself as:
“Gangsta Rapper d00d”

ON TV:
Watches MTV, any program with girls, cars or guns
Seeks this type of woman: Pamela Anderson (in her Tommy Lee days, not in her PETA era), any girl on Playboy.

Is familiar with:
The works of Snoop Dog

Relationships with girls:
Consists of whistling and hurling abuse at random female passerbys. (Ed: Indians refer to this as Eve Teasing - well at least Preity Zinta did. Over here in Sri Lanka I’m not sure what its refered to as but I’m sure it constitutes harrasment).

Outfit:
Tommy Hilfiger rejects

Hobbies:
Crusing Da Town With Ma Boyz

Traits:
Wears sunglasses long after the sun has set.
Capitalizes First Letter Of Every Word. Uses SMS lingo. Scratches himself and adjusts his testicles in public.

Sleeps with:
Himself, as no girl would be dumb enough to sleep with him

Drives:
BMX lookalike bike assembled in China.

Admires this in a woman:
Tits and A$$ Yeah Baby I like Them Bitchaz Who Is So Fine And Hot And Cheers To Ma Homiez And All Tha Fellows In Da Dogpound And All Tha Hot ChikAz

Accessories:
Uses a cheap candybar nokia as he can’t yet afford a better phone. Regularly pretends to make complex calls to his homies while dialing balance inquiry or weather from mobile handset. Has some bling (Chains and/or rings). Thinks PDA is an STD.

Favorite Hangouts:
Majestic City (a shopping mall in Sri Lanka), lounging around with a vacant gaze, with his buddies, occationally whistling at girls.

Whats he watching On TV:
Anything with girls, guns, or cars.

Sense of humor
Schadenfreude (though he has never heard that word), and slapstick humor (think: three stooges)

Matrix view
D00d Da Specal Effekts Wr Rokin, Ya Dude Rokin That Neo Man He So Cool Ya [lapses off into a language only he and Snoop Dog truly understand]

Famous Quote:
“Man My Stereo Makez 400 Wattz At Da Amplifyer It Rox Yeah Dude Have U Seen Da Latezt Need For Speed It Rocks Shouts Out To All the Homies Who Keepin It Real In Da Hood, and all Ma Peeps…”

5. The Accountant
(Not an insult to Accountants. There are a lot of hip cool Accountants out there - it’s just that this category TENDS to be populated by rather boring people who share these common traits)

About Him
- Is very uncool. Takes boring to a whole new level. Wouldn’t know style if he tripped over it
- Wears color co-ordinated underwear
- Blinks a lot if exposed to strong sunlight.

Sense of humor
Does not possess a sense of humor but masks this by laughing at jokes even though he does not get them.

Watches on TV:
Does not normally watch TV except for Business Related Programs, and the 8 O Clock News

Outfit:
Usual nondescript office wear - even has a boring tie.

Hobbies:
Watches some TV on sunday between 2PM till 2:45 PM. After Which He Takes a Quick Afternoon Nap Then Tea.

Obsessions:
Is obsessed with money. Is very rich but rarely ever spends. Very stingy.

Traits:
Sees everything in terms of money. Is very methodical in everything. 

Sleeps with:
Another accountant, if he can find one, usually alone.

Drives:
A maruti. Or other small size econobox. If he buys it brand new he does not remove the polythene covering the seats. Similar to his TV remote which is Still Wrapped In Polythene. 

Accessories:
Uses a cheap candybar style phone but occationally may upgrade to an organizer/pda combination phone, merely to inform others that he’s ‘cool’. Uses Excel on the PDA to help keep track of his expenses. Enters each dilligently and then takes it home and syncs it with his PC.

Favorite Hangout:
Office. Occationally an office party (where he does not dance, but instead chats with other office ladies about the performance of the company over the fourth quarter of the fiscal year 2005).

Matrix view:
Yes, the social accounting matrix for 2005 was…. on the whole, very positive..

Famous quote:
None. Doesn’t waste time saying quotes.

Trivia
A sri lankan man won a Guinness world record for watching TV nonstop for 69 hours (?) See here

[Ed: hey, do you know any category of man I’ve missed? List it here as a comment and I’ll try to include it! Thanks] 

Neha wonders if I could do a similar post on cows. So here goes

[Ed: Dear Visitors, please also read the final thoughts below. Thank you]

Origin of Sri Lankan Cow
- The Sri Lankan cow has been in Sri Lanka for.. well.. a long time. As to how it got here I have some theories:
1. It walked here of its own free will when Sri Lanka and India were connected. (Ya Rite!)
2. It was dragged here by Indians and others when they dropped by. This is actually the most likely scenario, as early people used them as food and for milk, so where people went, cows followed too.
3. Vijeya [2] brought em over when he dropped by.
4. They are part of an alien conspiracy and spontaneously materialized/they are secret agents planted by zionist conspirators seeking to ursurp legitimate regimes. (removes tinfoil hat)

Appearance:
Sri Lankan cows look like their Indian counterparts. They are relatively multicolored coming in shades of black, brown, white, occationally with spots.

[Ed: Whereas Sri Lankan girls do NOT look like Indian girls, Sri Lankan cows DO look like Indian cows. This makes me speculate that Sri Lankan girls are NOT descended directly from Indian girls, wheres Sri Lankan cows ARE]

[Ed: - descended from Indian Cows that is, not indian girls!]

[Ed: I had an Indian girlfriend once. She was really nice. She was somewhat superstitious and drove like a person possessed. I miss her. Sigh. OK. Back to cows:]

Behavior:
Generally docile by nature, they are quiet peaceful creatures, content to lurk on the side of the road. However if you tread on their tail or play the mad cow song they are apt to get pissed of. Or I speculate they would. I mean, wouldn’t you?!

Situation:
Sri Lankans use the cow, primarily for milk, (sometimes as a beast of burden) and possibly as food. They fatten them up, milk em, and then eat them. OMG OMG. That’s so IKK! PETA?! are u listening?

Cautions:
Some cows have been reported as having Mad Cow Disease. Thankfully there is an easy test for checking this: please click here

STOP PRESS: No really. Click there. It could mean the difference between life and death when it comes to the next cow you eat [3].

Wiki Sez: Cattle (called cows in vernacular usage) are domesticated ungulates*, a member of the subfamily Bovinae of the family Bovidae. They are raised as livestock for meat (called beef and veal), dairy products (milk), leather and as draught animals (pulling carts, plows and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are subject to religious ceremonies and respect. It is estimated that there are 1.3 billion head of cattle in the world today. (Ed: OMG. that means for every 6 people alive there is a cow. Yoikes.)

Oxen (plural of ox) are cattle trained as draft animals. Often they are adult, castrated males. (Ed: ¡Ay Caramba! thas so cruel. PETA? Do Something?!) 

Tips
Cows tend to swallow garbage whole without really thinking about it. So if you are tossing out vegetable waste, DO not include sharp things like broken glass as some poor cow might just swallow the whole thing and you wouldnt want that would you? [4]

Trivia
Despite being sacred in India, cows have a dismal fate there, according to Pamela Anderson, who made a video for Peta on this topic [see here]

[Ed: Nice of Pamela to stand up for cows but if u ask me I’d rather watch her video with Tommy Lee. Or Not. Jokes aside, good on ya Pam]

Cow tipping is a pastime allegedly common in rural areas, in which participants sneak up on an upright sleeping cow and then push it over for amusement. It is believed to be an Urban Legend.

KISS bassist Gene Simmons supposedly had a cow’s tongue grafted onto his own (thereby explaining the exceptional length of his. er. tongue. This is also thankfully an urban legend. Gene explains that his tongue is. ..er.. his.. lucky bastard having a tongue like that sure makes him popular among da gurlz

Final Thoughts (I know, very Springer’Esque)

Sri Lanka is supposedly a Buddhist country. The Buddha preached nonviolence towards living beings and tolerance.

While this article is written in a humorous vein, I would like to draw readers attention to the horrible plight of Cows in India - AND Sri Lanka. (The situation of the cow in Sri Lanka is similar if not worse)

Please visit the following pages:
http://www.petaindia.com/feat/dairy2/index.html
http://www.petaindia.com/vcruelty.html

What you can do to help
- Speak out against the cruel and unusual slaughter of cattle in Sri Lanka. Contact your legislator/representative and urge them to take up this matter. Demand that if cattle are slaughtered for human consumption, this should at least be done in a humane matter.

- Cut down on diary based products such as milk. Only calves should drink cow milk
- Cut down on beef or beef based products.

Notes[1] Bullock here refers to a Bull. Not to be confused with Sandra Bullock. Compare this image with the images of older Bullock carts from the 1800s at http://www.imagesofceylon.com/ and you may notice that while the cart looks different, the bullock,… er… looks the same. This is because automobiles and cows evolve at different rates.