sum.na

Incredible no? Mallika Sherawat, with Jackie Chan
[Got a minute? take part in our poll on India]

India is in, India is cool, India is the new China - investors are literally scrambling over each other to get there. 

And it’s not just investors. From Bush to Will Smith, everyone’s visiting India.

So how did India get to achieve what we, Sri Lanka, can only dream of?

1. By actively and agressively courting foreign tourism, and investment via the Incredible India campaign 
2. By having a sense of national pride: - it isn’t just a campaign. Indians genuinely are proud of their nation. They believe in Jai Hind - Sure, we get patriotic too - about booze. Even then, only if its imported. In our defenise, its hard to have national pride when you live in a country famous for having the largest number of drunkards and suicides (Ed: before you label me unpatriotic, please refer the original article and see who made that particular quote)
3. By having a booming economy, an educated workforce, and an infrastructure (oh, sure, we have those…)
4. By becoming the talk of Davos.

“There is no better case that illustrates what currently pre-occupies Sri Lanka and our big neighbour India than the way the two countries approached the five-day 2005 World Economic Form that was concluded Sunday January 29 in Davos Switzerland. India used the summit to showcase its economic and development achievements and to advertise its status as a rapidly emerging global economic power. In contrast Sri Lanka paid hardly any attention to the event. The Sri Lankan media almost ignored Davos. The country, as usual, was preoccupied with war and politics. ” From Kandy News 

“As you got off the plane in Zurich, there were large billboards extolling INCREDIBLE INDIA. Davos itself was plastered with signs. WORLD’S FASTEST GROWING FREE MARKET DEMOCRACY! proclaimed the town’s buses. When you got to your room, you found an iPod Shuffle loaded with Bollywood songs, and a pashmina shawl, gifts from the Indian delegation. When you entered the meeting rooms, you were likely to hear an Indian voice, one of the dozens of CEOs of world-class Indian companies. And then there were the government officials, India’s “Dream Team,” all intelligent and articulate, and all selling their country” - newsweek magazine

So, hats off to India, for achieving what we, here in Sri Lanka, can only dream of.

Why, the way things are going, pretty soon our local TV channels will be full of Bollywood Music. Oh wait. They already are.

While we spend all our time arguing about politics, and trying to solve our so called economic ethnic crisis, our neighbors are busy overtaking us.

Related: My two lives: a fascinating article on what it is like to Indian, in America.

[Ed: it’s quite possible I’m entirely wrong about this article: see this excellent comment by sittingnut]

[Ed: India is, also someones pet (memo to w: what were you thinking?)]

 
Bag bird photo copyright Planet Ark, used with permission

This question never arises in Sri Lankan supermarkets, because anything you buy is wrapped in a polythene bag, then re-wrapped in another bag..

Sri Lanka is heading for a polythene crisis. Way things are going, we are producing hundreds of thousands if not millions of bags per year.

Here’s an excellent article on plastic bags, at planet ark

 
From Flickr, by Fant

From the “Boss is out, so I can blog all Afternoon” dept…

This is just a tentative roundup - I’m sure I am missing many other blogs. Please help me by posting comments with your favorite blog listed in them, also preferrably a category. Bonus points to those who come up with extra bizarre categorization.. (e.g. most likely to ….)

Most likely to mention sex in a post:
Winner: Indi, 113 posts.
Runner up: Sumna, 24 posts.
Honorable Mention: Prose, for this post which is way more outrageous than anything any guy could say

Most likely to use wtf in a conversational setting:
Winner: Indi, 69 posts/comments (?)
Runners up: Electra, (16 times), and sumna (10 times)

Squeaky clean: Most likely NOT TO use the F word on their blog:
http://www.mahamoor.com/
PS: Happy birthday, dude!

Most likely to use F word as punctuation on their blog:
Curious yellow

Most likely to have teddy bears or poetry in their blog:
Joint Winners: Dush and Best pals

Best tech blogs
Civil Unrest
Charith.NET
Mahamoor: Not A Tech Blog but this post was cool
Indi.ca: NATB, but many good tech related posts..

Best lady blogs*
The name of this category is disputed. See note below:
Prose
Portrait
Roshi
Dush
Naz

Best guy blogs..
Shandy
Indi.ca
Mahamoor.com

Heck.. I’ve forgotten the rest..

Best syndication of Sri Lankan blogs
Kottu for: most coverage, been around the longest.
zSri for: hourly updates, some categories (but they don’t always work)

So, Idol 06 are down to the final 24, things are getting a bit interesting at last. Anyway, here are my votes..

Ladies:

Who: Lisa Tucker
Why: Hottest 16 year old in USA right now.
For: Looks awesome, sings even better, shes the real deal.
Against: Older performers may be able to push her out in the final rounds when things get tougher.
Final Verdict: Girl can sing! She just may reach the final four.

Who: Katharine McPhee
For: Looks good, sings OK I guess..
Against: Not sure if she can fight off the competition
Final Verdict: Hopefully, she will also make the final four..

Guys:

Who: Kevin Covais
For: Sings OK, girls dig him
Against: Might not last

Who: Ace Young
For: Chicks dig him
Against: Simon thinks he sings OK, but I disagree.
Final Verdict: the Chick-Vote should carry him far…

Who: Taylor Hicks
For: He’s a celebrity already, and he actually enjoys singing. This shows!
For (2): Paula and Randy getting all excited about him. Heck all of America likes this dude probably..
Against: Sings great, but (seemingly) in some styles only. Not sure if he will hold up.

Final Verdict: Hopefully he will make the final four.

Quick Questions:

1. What is the deal with Gedeon’s smile? Doesn’t this guy’s jaw get stuck or anything?
2. Why was Bucky Covington blinking like crazy? What was this guy on??

Web 1.0 by merlin (do you miss web 1.0? It’s still alive here)

[This article is not aimed at techies, rather, its for ordinary people.. I’m trying to discuss how modern web sites work, from my twisted unique point of view.]

1998: Simple HTML
I first started making web sites in 1998. Back then, it was really basic. I used HTML (a language to make sites which your web browser can read).

HTML is simple. Most of it is pretty basic. It usually consists of simple tags wrapped around the content you want, all in a single static file, with the extension htm (or html).

2006: Machines making web sites..

These days, web design is quite different. For a start, people don’t really design web sites. Thanks to the joy of CMS (content management system), a modern web site works something like this (From my POV at least)

Main components of a modern web site:

1. A CMS / engine: (Wordpress for example) which is a collection of scripts written in a language the web server (hopefully) understands (php in this case) - these scripts include some sort of back end (like an admin section), and a front end, which parses content (pulls it out of the database, wraps a template around it and spits it out in a way your browser likes.)
2. The database: this contains the stuff, e.g. the text and all that you type… The database is master. If it has a hiccup, even temporary, you end up with something like this:
   
   Wordpress screen of death - this is what sumna looks like when my database has an NDE ps: to Prose, this is probably what happened to you that day your site vanished for a few seconds
3. A template - the engine uses this to make the pretty layout, so your content looks interesting.. 

Interesting observations on dynamic web sites:

A modern web site is a dynamic thing. i.e. it is generated on the fly (as in, each time you request a page, that page is made up for you then and there - rather like ordering a pizza from domino’s, but a lot faster)

Advantages of dynamic web sites:

1. Pages are real time, so more up to date.
2. You can make a change in the layout/choose a new template and results are immediate - this makes things really easy for everyone!
3. People (e.g. visitors) can add real time content.. as can you!
4. Simple to back up (in theory) all you need to do is back up the database. In practice, if you have made lots of modifications, e.g. to the template, and have various uploads, this can become a bit complex..

Disadvantages of dynamic web sites:

1. Load on server - dynamically generated pages constitute a load on your web server - as in, instead of just spitting out HTML, the server has to pull data out of the database, ‘execute’ or run the php script to nicely format it using a template, and spit out xhtml for your browser.
2. Setting up the initial CMS and database is a bit complex, thankfully wordpress is remarkably easy to set up..

Personal updates:

So, I’m finally sort of xhtml compliant. At least, i was, at last check. Problem is my site is still messed in Firefox. Bleah! Oh, and thanks to vesses. or vesess.. for prompting me (through sheer guilt) to fix the bugs.

Note: in my defense - most of the problems were from a bug in my version of wordpress which doesnt properly set up nested lists. Well the nested lists work but the validator goes all tits up. Thankfully, a little manual editing solves the problem.

Random unrelated flickr fun 

Ohh.. the ecstasy. Read more here

Road to Jaffna, by GlobeTrotter

In most countries, roads are considered public property. In Sri Lanka, on the other hand, they are considered your property. i.e. if there is a road bordering your house, you are free to use it any way you wish.

Some innovative uses Sri Lankans have put their roads to:

1. As a toilet: especially for pets, and occationally for the owners.
2. As a garbage dump: bonus points if your garbage smells extra bad, and you stack it directly in front of someone elses house.
3. For construction: Let’s say you decide to build an addition to your house, or renovate. The road can be used for stacking cement blocks or bricks, to mix cement, also for storing sand, etc.
4. For funerals: It is the custom that if someone in your family dies, as part of the festivities mourning, you are permitted to erect a makeshift gazebo/pavillion where the bereaved can gather and drink themselves silly mourn.
5. For weddings: same as above.
6. For parking: If you need to park your vehicle, your friends vehicle, or the truck belonging to your fathers brothers mothers cousin twice removed, you guessed it, thats what the road is for.

Traditional Sri Lankan road-etiquette concepts

1. Make sure you obstruct other vehicles: If you must park on the road, don’t park in the side. Park at an odd hazardous angle and block all traffic.
2. If you are constructing something on your road, leave timber, sand, nails, and any hazardous items in the way of any cars that ply that road.
3. Show your neighbor your love, by blocking their gateway using any means necessary. Its the Sri Lankan way!

Random non related flickr photo of the day:


Walls Ice cream? Hmm.. yummy

Flickr photo, by Bob Duck
[Disclaimer: the following is a rant: it wasn’t thought through or spellchecked.]

People like to call us web designers or even web masters: This would somehow imply that we are on top of the process/situation. Aside from the BSDM connotations, the term web master is simply inaccurate. 

So I am a corporate web slave. I help people achieve their online dreams, at the expense of peace of mind and some human dignity, which is lost in the day to day process of web design.

Thankfully, some things (like wordpress) make the process more bearable. Sadly, none of my clients ever ask for simple static web sites. They take one look at wordpress, go “Bleah”, and say “OK now give me the dancing hamsters..”

Anyway, here are some random things I always wish I could tell my clients web masters (the people who pay me, those who make the decisions, call the shots, and are responsible for the sucky web sites I unwillingly help create)

Rant: To those who hire me
Or: an open letter to my clients, especially Sri Lankans
(Things I’d love to tell you but don’t, because you won’t listen/believe me)

1. Flash: is a nono. True, it looks cool, but not everyone has the plugins. Having your company logo dancing around may look cool to you because you are a clueless n00b, but most people find that annoying. (exception. a little tasteful flash in a separate section may be tolerable)
2. I can’t guarantee to make your site number one on Google. I don’t think anyone can. True I can help you streamline your website, and improve its visibility to search engines (thereby improving its rankings) but, number one.. that might be pushing it. Its unethical for you to ask me that, and its unethical for me to promise that. And please don’t ask me to do unethical things to promote your site. If google blacklists (PR0’s) you, you are doomed. Remember. Google is God. (all hail Google)
3. Reciprocal linking, isn’t all its cut out to be. A few appropriate links, if voluntary, from other similar good sites are OK, but don’t expect miracles. Say, client, do you even know what this term means? I’m not being rude, I’m just saying, don’t talk about it to me, or ask me to do it unless you have at least a clue. If you ask me nicely I’d be happy to tell you. Or ask Google!
4. People visit your website to find information, directions, pricing, and hopefully contact you. They don’t want a lame glorified advertiesment. Or flash doodles. Or javascript clocks. They may thrill your six year old daughter. (Which is OK if she is your target market, I guess).
5. You pay me to make you a website: All the other things I do to help you succeed in your web venture are out of the goodness of my heart. When you tell me to do patently stupid and counter-intuitive things, I will automatically stop advising you. Or bite my tongue every time I get a bright idea. Summary: Give me the money and let me do my job. You stick to your job of being CEO or whatever, and I’ll stick to mine..
6. I actually have a clue (sometimes): your marketing whizz may tell you that a black, white, and neon site is all the rage, and your design guru may be all aflutter about a java widget, but this will piss off most normal people. And you want most normal people to like your site, unless you cater to a highly specialized niche market. Or idiots.
7. If you have a grand vision, thats ok.. but try to be practical please. Me devoting 50% of my time to making your dancing logo wont help your business in the long run. If I were you i’d concentrate on the message I’m trying to get out, as well as promotion.
8. Don’t force me to do stupid things/make sites that suck: If you insist on a feature that is clearly stupid, I will politely advice you against that course of action. I’m exceeding tactful and my sentence will usually go “Some might consider this feature..” If I say that, just go with the flow, and humor me. It’s good for you. Of course if you insist, I have no choice.. When people see crappy web sites in Sri Lanka they tend to blame the designer. Sometimes the real fault lies in the client..
9. You don’t need a web site: you need an web presence solution: Clients don’t get this. They think that a simple web site solves everything. What I wish they would understand is - a web site is merely part of the whole solution - and that’s what they should really be aiming for.
10. (Please) try not to waste my time: I may not drive a late model Japanese SUV or play golf like you do, but believe it or not, I have a life, and my time is precious to me also. When you are first going to meet me, prep your staff up, gather all the material you need, and then arrange a meeting. If you have something to send me afterwards, just email it to me. If you want to send me material, try a courier service. Lastly, do you really need to meet me? Must I face the roads just to meet you? Does it matter how I look? Can’t you just accept I that exist, arrange a video conference, and mail a check Cheque?

Why I don’t make a lot of money in web design

1. I’m not good at BS. When a client looks at me with a worried expression and asks me about whether his web adaviya can have a Picture of His Office, I usually say sure, no probs (as opposed to most local web designers who say “Yes of course it will cost you $500 as we have to carefully scan your picture using a HP Elbonian scanner with a giga pentabyte micromodule installed, which we must personally import from sweeden)
2. I don’t charge $500 for a simple wordpress site: Even if you are crazily rich, I’d rather you did something worthwhile with your money, like paying your employees. Like the security guard. When is the last time you gave him a raise? 1983?
3. I throw in most features/things/widgets for free: I usually charge a flat fee for the web site, after initial design. And I don’t increase this for rich clients, though I usually reduce this for poorer clients/startups.
4. Banana Problem/featuritis: Client starts out with a simple concept. Then halfway through the design, s/he changes something. Then he spots something on TV, and wants that. Next his/her drinking buddy tells him that some feature is all the rage. Now s/he wants that also. Sigh.
5. I charge clients pathetic low honest amounts:
   I don’t really like to charge silly amounts. True most of my clients have competing quotes which merely have three to four more zeros than mine, but hey..
6. I don’t usually charge by the hour: That simply doesnt work - also it makes work rushed. I’d rather charge by the job. Usually this means I end up spending a lot more time than I should.. but what the hell. I sleep better knowing I did a good job. That matters to me, believe it or not.
7. I don’t take advantage of my clients: So they take advantage of me.
8. I’m basically decent: I can’t keep a straight face and demand a ton of money for a simple job, even if the client thinks its a huge job.
9. People just don’t get the whole web thing in Sri Lanka.

And since I’m on the topic of ranting..

Rant: Local web designers
Rant: They all suck. At least the ones I’ve met. I remember these two guys.. One guy kept muttering “That command is depreciated” The other had an unnatural interest in self produced gas.. Not the kind of people I’d entrust my web presence to.

…And I hate the way they like to screw the customer.. True, most of the times, the customer is either stupid, or rich, or both… but nevertheless…

Sigh. something tells me that this is not the job for me.

Oh, and if you want me to recommend a good local web designer, I’m sorry, I’m yet to meet one.  

However, when it comes to bearable, vesess.com probably qualifies  - except for the freaky group culture thing (Vesessins? wth?!)

Oh, and I hear Indi does web sites too.

Lastly, if you are feeling somewhat lucky, I’m usually available..

[Edit: Vesess.com - have done some cool web sites. I particularly admire the fact that their web sites are all standard compliant. end edit]

Glossary (For those too lazy to Google for answers):

1. PR0 - Page rank zero - when your website is removed from Google (those familiar with secular faiths can look up the concept of death or eternal damnation here).
2. SEO - Search engine optimization - officially, the process of making a site nicer for search engines, unofficially using any trick you can to make a site more famous, (see keyword stuffing and doorway pages
3. Client - the person calling the shots, the real web master (See: Idiot, PITA, n00b, helpless clueless nokia wielding sacrificial cow)
4. Widgets: Annoying features client requests which do nothing useful
5. Flash: Interactive thingamajig software. Great for erotica and occational car sites..
6. Web Adaviya: Sinhalese term for web site.

[Scarlett Johansson (From Flickr). Not really related to this post in any way but shown here because of her golden globes wonderful personality]

Its an odd thing: When two girls meet, there’s this moment, where they measure each other up. Starts with shoes, clothing, handbag, nail polish, hair and so on.

We (the guys) simply don’t notice that split second moment. We are too busy focusing on boobs the introduction/the conversation.

I’m beginning to realize that much of what women do, as far as fashion goes, has nothing to do with men really. It’s just to outdo each other.

And they are vicious. They take each othe apart with a certain amount of ferocious savegery which would make even us men and our rivalries seem gentle by comparison.

Girls dont like attractive girls. Especially in an office setting. The office hottie (especially if she uses her assets for favors from the boys) is universally hated by her female colleagues.

Yes, I know, this (and 99% I write about) is obvious to everyone, but sometimes, I see these things, and it just occurs to me… gee.. never thought about that…

(Ed: Title should probably be girl vs girl, but girl on girl sounded kinkier)

Here’s why I despise American Idol (Currently in Season 5).

1. It’s a reality TV show - these shows are famous for violently exploiting stupid naive idiots ordinary people, for cheap laughs. At best, the victim participants get away with some therapy, at worst they may be damaged for life.
2. Just a participant - Come on. You know it, I know it most of these people haven’t a snowflakes chance in hell of ever - they are simply there to increase the ratings. Who wins in this deal? The participant who gets jerked around and laughed at on national TV? Not. Of all the people who showed up, only about 10 people have any real chance, the judges knew that on day one, but a whole load of people were given false hopes, then chucked out, all in the name of ratings.
3. Mind games - instead of being straightforward with the participants, they make them wait, try games on them (such as pretending to put them through and then throwing them out), and so on. Some of these tactics would probably constitute as cruel and unusual punishment, but hey, all in the name of ratings.
4. Simon - I like the fact that he’s honest, but I dislike his rudeness. And he gets away with it, because, part of his job contract probably specifies that he has to be rude. Either that or he does it for the sheer fun of it. Half the ratings the show gets are due to him, so its unlikely he’ll ever leave. Not that good for all the people who get laughed at by him on prime time TV.
5. Paula - does, nothing. Simply, she serves no real function, except as an accesssory. I guess she’s the token girl
6. Randy - serves no real purpose (except to say Dawg) occationally, he has an opinion, but other than that, not much else. Yup, you guessed it, he’s the token African American.

But who cares really. Idol is literally wiping out prime time competition, its the most watched show on TV, and as long as the cash registers keep ringing, who cares.

As for the contestants, as sittingnut once pointed out to me, they know what they are getting, so they probably deserve it.

Disclaimer: American Idol is probably a trademark of Fox, all rights reserved, I’m just expressing my personal opinion here.

Elections, and the mythical free lunch
Now, back to the election. Even if I knew what it is about or when it is, chances of me voting are highly unlikely. This is because I know nothing about any of the candidates, their platforms, or why I should vote for any of them.

Thing is, local voters are looking for one simple thing: A free lunch. Unfortunantly, there aint no such thing as a free lunch. The politicians know this, but the people don’t - they expect a free lunch, so they are promised that.

Entire campaigns are built around that promise.

So, I already know TANSTAAFL. Therefore, theres nothing any politician can really tell me that would make me vote for them, except perhaps, the truth.

Yeah. Right.