Borella, Sri Lanka (Jamaica Free Press): A Sri Lankan Tri-shaw driver denied being turned on by copulating dogs, and spoke out against rumors of his secret bestiality fetish. In this exclusive interview with our Colombo correspondent, Mr. W. T. F. Somapala, who spoke through 2 interpreters, and asked not to be identified, agreed to answer our questions, on the condition of anonymity.

JFP: Mr. Somapala. As you may know, a photograph of you appeared on Jamaican TV (under the odds and sods section) late last night, showing you seated in your trishaw, vigorously masturbating, while staring at a pair of copulating dogs in the foreground. The Jamaican peoples are convinced that you are into bestiality. How do you respond?

Mr. Somapala: Let’s first clarifying a few things. For the one, I am driving tuk tuk, not trishaw. Regarding photograph, it did not clearly showing that hot female passenger who had stepped into my tuk tuk - I was making happy in my pants, for her sake only, it had nothing to do with the two dogs in front of me. If you look closely the photo you will seeing that my eyes looking at the back viewing mirror, not at dogs in front of my tuk tuk.

JFP: Mr. Somapala - is it natural for taxi drivers to masturbate to female passengers in Sri Lanka?

Mr. Somapala: Of course! As you are being aware, a recent study in the New England Journal of Medicine concluded that this is both natural, and also good for your health.

JFP: I’m not questioning whether masturbation is natural. I’m asking you whether it is normal or right to masturbate when a female passenger steps into your cab?

Mr. Somapala: It depends on whether she is hot or not. I like big butts, and I can not lie, other tuktuk drivers can deny, I also have prefering for fair ladies myself and I am liking to pleasure myself to them only, not to ugly chicks. I only do it for a short while till I am ’satis’ then I am stopping, so what the harm?

These days, too many tuk tuk drivers aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country. Besides, if we are not making happy when she get into tuktuk, then she is offend, she say “What I am not hot enough for you?” Besides our Colombo girls always dressing so sexy no? So of course they are wanting it, otherwise they not dressing like that no?

JFP: Doesn’t this cause a traffic hazard? Isn’t it illegal?

Mr Somapala: Well one time one of the my friend tuktuk driver was hit by oncoming bus while driving and doing it. Since then our committee meet and we passing a new by-law that say “no make happy in the pant when driving over 50km/h”.

On about the legal, our country penal code is not clearly stating anything about making happy time while driving. Of course penal code saying it is illegal to using cellphone without handsfree unit while driving so I am always careful to use a the bluetooths or a the handsfree.

JFP: So masturbation is common among taxi drivers where you are?

Mr. Somapala: To driving with left hand and make happy with right hand also at same time takes lot of skill, so only a few of our members are capable of joining the Diesel High Club. For the young ones we always advice park on side of lonely road first and do, till you are confident enough.

JFP: Riiiight.. moving along - your wife says you love watching Animal Planet, and you always insist on using the back door. How do you respond?

Mr. Somapala: Firstly, Animal Planet very educationally no? Learning hummingbird mating patterns and the donkey sex tricks has helped me to driving better in Colombo. My son is also very favorite of Animal planet and in my younghood I learned a lot from watching all the animals.

And as for using the back door, of course I are have to using back door, what my wife forgot tell you is that front door is broken/out of service so I are having no choice but use back door.