sum.na

Neha wonders if I could do a similar post on cows. So here goes

[Ed: Dear Visitors, please also read the final thoughts below. Thank you]

Origin of Sri Lankan Cow
- The Sri Lankan cow has been in Sri Lanka for.. well.. a long time. As to how it got here I have some theories:
1. It walked here of its own free will when Sri Lanka and India were connected. (Ya Rite!)
2. It was dragged here by Indians and others when they dropped by. This is actually the most likely scenario, as early people used them as food and for milk, so where people went, cows followed too.
3. Vijeya [2] brought em over when he dropped by.
4. They are part of an alien conspiracy and spontaneously materialized/they are secret agents planted by zionist conspirators seeking to ursurp legitimate regimes. (removes tinfoil hat)

Appearance:
Sri Lankan cows look like their Indian counterparts. They are relatively multicolored coming in shades of black, brown, white, occationally with spots.

[Ed: Whereas Sri Lankan girls do NOT look like Indian girls, Sri Lankan cows DO look like Indian cows. This makes me speculate that Sri Lankan girls are NOT descended directly from Indian girls, wheres Sri Lankan cows ARE]

[Ed: - descended from Indian Cows that is, not indian girls!]

[Ed: I had an Indian girlfriend once. She was really nice. She was somewhat superstitious and drove like a person possessed. I miss her. Sigh. OK. Back to cows:]

Behavior:
Generally docile by nature, they are quiet peaceful creatures, content to lurk on the side of the road. However if you tread on their tail or play the mad cow song they are apt to get pissed of. Or I speculate they would. I mean, wouldn’t you?!

Situation:
Sri Lankans use the cow, primarily for milk, (sometimes as a beast of burden) and possibly as food. They fatten them up, milk em, and then eat them. OMG OMG. That’s so IKK! PETA?! are u listening?

Cautions:
Some cows have been reported as having Mad Cow Disease. Thankfully there is an easy test for checking this: please click here

STOP PRESS: No really. Click there. It could mean the difference between life and death when it comes to the next cow you eat [3].

Wiki Sez: Cattle (called cows in vernacular usage) are domesticated ungulates*, a member of the subfamily Bovinae of the family Bovidae. They are raised as livestock for meat (called beef and veal), dairy products (milk), leather and as draught animals (pulling carts, plows and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are subject to religious ceremonies and respect. It is estimated that there are 1.3 billion head of cattle in the world today. (Ed: OMG. that means for every 6 people alive there is a cow. Yoikes.)

Oxen (plural of ox) are cattle trained as draft animals. Often they are adult, castrated males. (Ed: ¡Ay Caramba! thas so cruel. PETA? Do Something?!) 

Tips
Cows tend to swallow garbage whole without really thinking about it. So if you are tossing out vegetable waste, DO not include sharp things like broken glass as some poor cow might just swallow the whole thing and you wouldnt want that would you? [4]

Trivia
Despite being sacred in India, cows have a dismal fate there, according to Pamela Anderson, who made a video for Peta on this topic [see here]

[Ed: Nice of Pamela to stand up for cows but if u ask me I’d rather watch her video with Tommy Lee. Or Not. Jokes aside, good on ya Pam]

Cow tipping is a pastime allegedly common in rural areas, in which participants sneak up on an upright sleeping cow and then push it over for amusement. It is believed to be an Urban Legend.

KISS bassist Gene Simmons supposedly had a cow’s tongue grafted onto his own (thereby explaining the exceptional length of his. er. tongue. This is also thankfully an urban legend. Gene explains that his tongue is. ..er.. his.. lucky bastard having a tongue like that sure makes him popular among da gurlz

Final Thoughts (I know, very Springer’Esque)

Sri Lanka is supposedly a Buddhist country. The Buddha preached nonviolence towards living beings and tolerance.

While this article is written in a humorous vein, I would like to draw readers attention to the horrible plight of Cows in India - AND Sri Lanka. (The situation of the cow in Sri Lanka is similar if not worse)

Please visit the following pages:
http://www.petaindia.com/feat/dairy2/index.html
http://www.petaindia.com/vcruelty.html

What you can do to help
- Speak out against the cruel and unusual slaughter of cattle in Sri Lanka. Contact your legislator/representative and urge them to take up this matter. Demand that if cattle are slaughtered for human consumption, this should at least be done in a humane matter.

- Cut down on diary based products such as milk. Only calves should drink cow milk
- Cut down on beef or beef based products.

Notes[1] Bullock here refers to a Bull. Not to be confused with Sandra Bullock. Compare this image with the images of older Bullock carts from the 1800s at http://www.imagesofceylon.com/ and you may notice that while the cart looks different, the bullock,… er… looks the same. This is because automobiles and cows evolve at different rates.